There are so many different positive effects of tantric massage on human body and emotional well-being that we could not help but mentioning some basic principles and components that make it so special. You may have your own point of view and different experience with this kind of service in different places. In this article I just will try to express what approach is used by professionals who are very devoted to this work and understand why it is important to deal with people on manny levels: physical, emotional and mental.
Sensual pleasure exploration
We live in a society that is regulated by norms and rules which are supposed to give us comfort and safety. These rules and limits change, they change with the course of time. And they differ in different countries. And it often happens that it is easier to cross borders of the other country than to express honestly our own desires and feelings. Expression of these feelings requires significant courage and efforts. The danger of suppressed craving for sensual pleasure can lead to loss of sensitivity, sexual interest and zest for life in general. The tantric massage session can create a safe space for exploration of sensual potential. I use words “safe space” because there is a certain framework of the session – the time for intake, expression of the client´s intention, massage with possibility to communicate with the therapist, conclusion and sharing the feedback – which help establish trustworthy contact between the giver and the receiver. The client and the therapist determine certain boundaries between them that enables both of them to feel relaxed and more comfortable. The most fascinating part of the session is the whole body experience and possibility to freely express joy and emotions.
No goal orientation
As tantric massage involves a big variety of sensual strokes caressing the entire body, which may awaken sexual energy, many people expect that there must be some obvious conclusion of the massage or in short “happy ending”. I have never been moralistic and respect all expressions of sexuality which bring joy but tantric massage is about something different – letting go of the goal. I realised why it is helpful and reasonable only after my own experience showed the consequences of goal oriented behaviour.
As many of us I learnt a lot about sexuality from movies, books, porn and from my partners which did the same. The plot is the same: both lovers are overwhelmed by passionate desire, they change several positions, and as a rule after hard stimulations everybody must peak. My sex had been looking like that, and I knew this model of sexual behaviour did not function for me for long because after a couple of months with a regular partner I did not feel much. I felt an obligation that I have to orgasm and perform every time to show that I am normal. I had a habit to orgasm quickly by means of tension and clitoral stimulation. It created impression that I was satisfied but indeed it only masked emptiness, inner numbness and absence of emotional connection with my partner. Only after some research and several years of practicing somatic techniques I realised how my obsession with reaching orgasms harmed my health and made me loose sensitivity. The thing is that when we create certain idea about how sex should look like, we already follow our head but not our body needs and develop limiting habits. Goal orientation makes us tense our body to reach orgasm faster, but year by year it will get harder and harder to peak because tension grows too, thus creating bad conditions for nerve system and blood circulation. Moreover, focusing only on genital pleasure makes us closed for experiencing something more, heart opening and connection with our whole self. I must admit it was not so easy for me to let my obsession with peak orgasms go. It takes some time and patience to relax and find the new things which give the feeling of deep satisfaction and pleasure.
Coming back to tantric massage I would suggest to come for a session with open mind as an innocent child or an alien which is ready to explore the new world. This is a very good chance to relax, be spontaneous and authentic.
Presence is the key to being here and now, experiencing the state of the truth. Very often we live in the realm of ideas, plans and expectations without noticing what is happening inside and around us. The habit to live in our heads, in the past or future is so strong that we need some special tools to come back “home”. Tantric massage invites us to slow down, stay in the present moment and rest there for a while. It is much easier to attain this state because the therapist gives so much pleasurable touch that it is hard for our attention to run away from such a gift. Besides, before massage starts the therapist gives some recommendations on how to maintain high level of presence by being aware of breath. If you want to go further you can also use special kind of breathing techniques, movement and voice to expand pleasure in the whole body. Talking about presence I also would like to mention that except presence in the body there also exists presence in the contact with the other person. The therapist tries his or her best to hear you and your needs but he/she also needs space and boundaries for comfort and feeling of safety. Being present also means to acknowledge the fact that the other person does not have to satisfy all our expectations and play the role of our partner or a lover.
We have two opposite forces inside us: one of them craves for changes and the other – for stability. Some clients wish to develop and the others just to relax. No matter which force dominates in the moment when you come to the studio the intention of the therapist is to accept everything as it is. Nobody will try to fix and change you during the session, or push to the state which you are not ready to attain. Constant pushing toward success, achieving goals and obligations create tension and take a lot of energy. Our studio is the place where people can rest and just be themselves.
Combination of pleasure, openness, presence and acceptance naturally leads to the self-healing. I do not believe much that one person can heal another one. I am sure that the body has inborn ability to regenerate and heal itself. We just need to reconnect with this wisdom and listen to it. The thing is that we create obstacles in our head, fake concepts of happiness and severe conditions that do not benefit our body and emotional well-being. I was always amazed what happens during sessions. When clients relax and get rid of anxiety many psychosomatic problems dissolve. Slow and careful touch only places more awareness to the body, makes it more sensitive and alive. All of a sudden a solution may come from within or inner voice tells us what we really need now. And it is possible to achieve this state without trying to achieve anything. As the saying goes: we cannot make the river flow faster.
Categorised in: About Tantric Massage