Premature ejaculation belongs to the most common sexual disorders, and many people are quite concerned about that. Here, we again come to the roots of this issue. It is quite clear for anybody nowadays that our behavior consists of some patterns. It means we behave the way we feel according to our surroundings and emotions. During this process, we get some experience, and then we know what is to like and otherwise. Nevertheless, somehow it happens that our awareness does not spread over some emotional or bodily levels.
We don’t know why anything doesn’t work the way we’d like, although we’ve done our best. Our body functioning is under the influence of emotions, so if you cut off your feelings or suppress them for the sake of some aim, you cut away from your awareness from your body. Also, the men are always obsessed with an idea of total success, under any circumstances, especially in the sexual area. They are so much engaged with their ultimate goal, not caring about one’s body and feelings. From the very boyhood, they are taught to suppress these sensations and emotional moves to become calm, reserved, and practical as a real man should be. This constant stress cuts of the ability to experience the needs of one’s body, which results in problems with erection and ejaculation. More unpleasant feelings appear it brings more tension, thus forming a vicious circle.
One of the first researchers of human sexuality, Alfred Kinsey wrote in his book, that nothing “has had more influence on present-day patterns of sexual behavior than the religious backgrounds of that culture” (Sexual Behavior in the Human Male, p. 465). Many modern people consider our culture as “sex-negative”, with lots of taboos and restricted areas. One of the most sensitive topics here is masturbation. Kinsey wrote that stigmatizing masturbators is the key reason for premature ejaculation and other sexual malfunctions in men. Speedy, quiet, shame-based masturbation in many cases brings about psychological and physiological problems. From the physiological perspective, the reflective basis of the erection – ejaculation complex might not form itself correctly, resulting in different kinds of sexual malfunction caused by pelvic floor disorders. Also, it is said that people experience some kinds of complex psychosomatic phenomena.
Foremost, it is the principal tendency of avoiding sexual pleasure because of shame and guilt. The way to reach this result is to keep attention away from the actual process. We are learned to avoid feelings not letting ourselves be exhausted emotionally, but it brings the opposite result. We want prolongation of the process, but it erupts faster because of this excessive tension.
Physiology defines excitement as a gradual increase of neural activity in our nervous system. Enjoyment is a gradual decrease of that. What we perceive as enjoyment is the transition between these two states. The vast majority of Westerners receive no education in accessing and voting the pleasure. In fact, we are conditioned to avoid states of excitement and states of bliss. We are all familiar with the statements of this anti-embodiment education. One can easily recall these “Quiet down,” “Sit still,” “Keep your hands to yourself,” “Don’t breathe fast, you’ll get dizzy,” “Don’t touch yourself down there.” This way we get learned to constrict our excitement, freezing our natural reactions. What are the ways of solving this problem?
It can take some months to recover. In general, we follow the same idea: create new useful habits instead of old harmful ones and establish them.
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